NELL

Meaning, simply, once you find it, you can’t, or don’t, run out of it.

Sometimes joy is considered in contrast to happiness,

Which is thought of as an emotion and has causes that come and go.

But once you have joy, you’ve got it for good.

This is how I think about Nell.

For me, she will always be about,

The willful generation of joy.

This idea came to me slowly over a number of years,

First, when I heard her kids talk about her,

They always spoke about her as “Nell”.

As in, “Has he met Nell yet?”

It wasn’t “mom”, it was “Nell”.

As if “Nell” was a force, a substance, something to be experienced.

I first got to know Nell at Sunnybrae.

And there, among the redwoods by the eel river

It became clear,

What everyone was talking about.

I’ve heard people say that being around an enlightened being,

Can literally infect you with joy, if you let them.

I’ve also heard people say that,

Living with an enlightened being,

Can be maddening at times because while you see a world that is broken and beyond repair,

All they can do is smile and laugh and get on with whatever needs to be done next.

Like Yoda.

Of course, she was not always this way,

And sometimes, I would think, she does not even possibly see me or even know who I really am.

One time, at a gathering of family, some of whom I did not know as well as I do now,

She somehow found me introverting my way into a corner of the room,

And brought me over and introduced me to a close friend of the family,

“This is Michael, he practices karate, he moves like a cat”

This was stunning, not because she noticed me practicing karate in her back yard

Or thought I moved well (which I don’t, especially these days)

But because this “gathering” was the reception for her husband’s wake.

For her, there was no other way thru all the sadness then to pull everyone close,

Remind them of who they were, cheer them up and keep going.

We are all so lucky to have known her and been around her for so much time.

But, of course, she left us with a job to do.

Pick ourselves up, remember what we’re here to do, stay close and keep going.

Because tomorrow the sun will come up, shining bright and we all better be ready to sing.